Leading up to Valentine's, we spread advice for a better quality of life.
Introduction
Diabetes, diabetes diet and treatment of diabetes all affect our relationships. In this first of our series of articles leading up to Valentine’s, we are going to discuss the three A’s to achieving a happier relationship. Attention, Affirmation, and Affection.
The Problem
Remember how giddy and wonderstruck you were when your dating began? That is the feeling and joy we all should be able to give and experience every day. There is no magic in it, just hard work to make your life partner happy. As the saying goes, “Happy (Partner), Happy Life.”
The problem begins with the union suffering from life’s many challenges. Being diagnosed with diabetes II and facing many diabetes treatments, is one of those challenges. It brings on a whole set of new responsibilities, conflicting actions, and opinions, and sometimes a focus away from those most important to us. We turn away from our partner instead of toward each other.
Anger swells. You do not know how to deal with it. The answer is simple, the actions take commitment. Turn around and deliver on the three A’s: Attention, Affirmation, and Affection. Giveth, and you shall also receive.
What is Love?
This comes from Dr. Laura Schlesinger, a Psychotherapist who has been providing family and relationship advice for more than forty years. She has a radio program on Sirus Channel 1111 and is the author of many books and a video series called “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.” Dr. Laura suggests, “Love is not a feeling. It is a behaviour. Do Something loving towards your husband/wife/partner each day. When you pay attention to the feelings and needs of your man/woman/partner he/she will give you the world”
Some examples:
Do you put your cell phone down to focus and listen to what your husband/wife/partner is saying? Do you jump in and interrupt before they are finished? What about at a restaurant, do you sit there texting on your cell phone?
What this signals to your husband/wife/partner is that they are not as important as the person on the other end of the line. It will not be long before you begin to wonder where the loving attention went. It went out the door with your husband/wife/partner.
Toothpaste on the Toothbrush. Have you ever thought how appreciated you may become by doing a simple thing such as putting toothpaste on your husband/wife/partner’s toothbrush? Little shows of affection can bring great results.
Touching your husband/wife/partner on the arm, the back of the neck and occasionally a little peck on the cheek. All signals that you love your husband/wife/partner, and I would be surprised if they react negatively. That is really showing affection.
Meet your partner at the door when they come home from being out. Smile, reach out and touch their hand, give a hug and ask, “how was your day?”
We could provide many examples of how to show affection, be attentive and affirm your love for your partner. But this is now your exercise, to “bring back that loving feeling.”
Attention
Everyone likes being noticed, the attention. Whether it is a kind word from your partner or a show of affection with a kiss on the cheek and asking how was your day. We all like that, especially from our partners, and it usually becomes a two-way street.
Start “small” and creep up on it.
Affirmation
Affirmation is showing and telling your partner they did good. How hard is it to say to your partner, “Thanks for the help, I really appreciate it?” Begin noticing the things your partner does around the home, even if they are asked to. Let them know you very much appreciate the things they do.
Affection
Now comes the fun part. Expressions of affection. Affection is a special language that the two of you constructed a long time ago but have probably forgotten. Forgotten or misplaced and the reason that your relationship is not what it used to be.
The timing is perfect to bring back that loving feeling and what fun too. Spend a minimum of 15 minutes per day flirting, hugging, and any other action that brings your emotions closer together each day.
Conclusion
We picked our partner because we believed in our heart and mind that they were the “real deal.” Entering a relationship, the feeling and actions are euphoric. But with life’s pressures, and being diagnosed with diabetes II a serious one, we lose that loving feeling.
Many turn away from their partner. Don’t do that. Turn toward them and rebuild your relationship using the three A’s as your guide to doing right. Attention, Affirmation, and Affection.
It is time to bring back that loving feeling to your relationship. Why not start today? At Damndiabetes.ca, we are only an email or call away. We are confidential and would love to help you to a better quality of life living with diabetes. Why not give us a call today?
Best wishes ...
Wayne Drury was diagnosed with Type II Diabetes over one year ago. He was frustrated with the lack of usable information on diabetes treatment and how to lower blood sugar effectively. His passion now, using all he has found with diabetes research, is helping others on a path to a better quality of life living with diabetes, which he shares on his personal website.
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